1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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