Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
