So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
