I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
