I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
