I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
