I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
