pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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