I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
