Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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