Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
