Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
