is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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