69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
