So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
