That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
