Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
