I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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