this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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