Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
