new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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