While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
