hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
