Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
