He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
