I'm so fucking centered right now
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
