Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
