Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
