Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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