her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
