I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
