420 ftw
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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