hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
