seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
