So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
