coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
