I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
