Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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