dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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