Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
