So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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