Sry I called you an 8
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
