The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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