i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
