I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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