i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
