We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
