Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
