i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
