i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
