my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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