this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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